Suffering Soul
by Tiian
Summary: Misao is depressed and has no hope left.


Author babble #1:  
  
I have written a lot of stuff. This very short one is something I am very proud of. I like it. I don't often like about the stuff I have written.  
  
I wrote this some time ago.  
  
At that time I was "drooling" over one of my classmates (still am). I had a huge crush on him (still have) and I had spend some time with him. He was a bit like Aoshi, he didn't speak much. I babbled all the time to him, not really knowing what he thought of me. I was very depressed one time and sat before a comp. And wrote. This.  
  
This fic IS my feelings at that time.  
Well, our story had a happy ending. We have been together soon 11 months!!   
  
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Disclaimer: I don't own anything besides the story and the feelings behind it. The characters aren't mine.  
Author: Tiian  
  
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Title:  
A Suffering Soul  
  
  
  
Misao walked down the road from the temple where Aoshi meditated. Tears were freely flowing down her cheeks as once again the familiar heartache took it's place in her heart. It was always like this. When she was close to Aoshi she was fine, hope and love were all she had. She just knew he loved her because when he looked at her and his eyes softened with that familiar way making her heart skip a beat, he looked like someone in love.  
  
But now away from him, walking away, she knew something else. He didn't love her as a woman he could some day marry. No, to him she was a friend, a little sister, but never was she a woman in his eyes. She had and was nothing he would want from his wife. She was too short, not really smart or beautiful. She was pretty, she knew that, but beautiful...never. She praised her beauty to basicly everyone she met at some point, but it was only her way to hide her insecurities, but deep down she knew the truth.   
  
Usually the pain was soon gone and her hopes slowly returned to her, but somehow this time was different. The pain stayed, her mind stayed focused to the reasons why he would never love her, why they could never be together.   
  
She had no shared interests with him except for Oniwabanshu business, and all the time she spent with him, she was the one who did the talking, he never spoke anything unless it was absolutely necessary. Apparently he had nothing to say to her and she so much wanted to have a conversation with him, hear him speak.  
  
So how could they ever be together?  
  
In time she wouldn't have anything to speak of, anything to offer him. He would want and need something she could not offer. He was everything a woman could wish for, handsome, intelligent, nice, gentle, good with children....he was everything there where she was nothing. Just a short-tempered woman who talked too much and was obsessed with him. Maybe...   
...it would be better if she just left him alone. He didn't need her and would probably be better of without her.   
  
The rain begun to fall, but Misao wasn't aware of it, her face already wet with her tears. She continued walking numbly forward unaware of her surroundings and soon she was stepping away from the town. She had no destination left, not anymore, and so she walked. Just walked.  
  
She didn't return to Aoiya, not this time. She just continued her walk. She didn't stop to eat or rest, just kept on walking. She was unaware of peoples pitying gazes as they lay their eyes on her, to a broken, empty woman who had lost everything. She was pale as a ghost and her body shivered at the cold. Her stomach was empty because she had trown up everything and hadn't eaten anything in a long time. She had been in the rain for far too long and had caught a flue. She sneezed and coughed, her body was burning up in a fewer as she used all of her strenght just to walk and stand up as she fell.  
  
She didn't know how many hours or days she traveled, occosionally falling over only to stand up. Sometimes after she had fallen she just couldn't stand up and so she slept. Immediately after she woke, she stood up to her weak foots and continued walking until she reached a familiar cliff.  
  
She didn't know if this place had been her destination all along or had she just drifted here, to a place where she had been willing to sacrifice her life only to be able to keep on following a man who knew something about Aoshi.   
  
During her travels not once had the rain ceased from falling and now she stood at the edge of the cliff drenced, cold, numb and empty. Her body screamed for rest, food and warmth to recover, but Misao didn't pay any attention to it's needs. She just stared down with nothing seeing eyes.  
  
The bottom was so far away, she would die if she fell and this time there would be no Kenshin to jump in after her. Her knees had been shaking from weakness and cold for a long time already and now they finally gave up. Misao falled to her knees, dangerously near of falling.   
  
Then she understood it. She was weak. She had never been anything but weak. Somehow, from somewhere, she still found tears to cry out at the realizion. Her desperate voice echoed in the valley as she yelled until her voice was gone and her throat ached.   
  
No wonder Aoshi always had to protect her, she herself was unable to. And now, would he come to save her? Would he come and take a hold of her, pull her away from the edge before she fell?   
  
Tears burned her cheeks and her hiccups drained the last of her strengt. She fell over. The last thing she saw was the rocky bottom of the chasm and then...  
...then all that was left was darkness and she welcomed it with open arms.  
  
The rain ceased from falling and the clouds gave a way to the blinding light of the sun.  
  
  
  
OWARI   
  
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Author babble #2:  
Everyone can deside for themselves how did this end.   
Did Aoshi come and save Misao or did she really die.  
I am not going to write an epilogue. I like this as it is.  
  
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~Tiian~ 


End file.
